you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
