I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
