Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
