dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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