But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
