Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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