I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
