Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
