We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
