mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
