The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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