So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
