Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
