Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Randomize
