She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
