Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
