I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
