Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i've created a new STD.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
