Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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