I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
