My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
