you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
