the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
