I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
