Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
