I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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