no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
