allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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