actually, I'm a sock model
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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