Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
