You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
