i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
