I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
