Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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