we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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