i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
