She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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