just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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