There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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