3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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