im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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