just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
