Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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