just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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