oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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