I wish I could teleport
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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