maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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