your thong is hanging out like whoa
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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