on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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