I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
